Generally speaking, people work through the Steps of Alcohol Anonymous with an addiction treatment counselor and/or sponsor. You can also turn to AA’s Big Book and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (the 12 & 12) for guidance specific to Step 8. It’s important to have a plan in place before we reach out.

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  • The goal in making amends is “to freely admit the damage we’ve done and make our apologies,” according to The Big Book.
  • Though this cannot undo or directly compensate for the initial mistake, it can serve as living amends that comes through a different way of being in the world.
  • To help, we’ve compiled a list of examples of making amends in recovery that deal with ambiguous scenarios.
  • I know I said it once, but I’ll say it again – if you are dealing with guilt and you haven’t read the articles above, now is the time.
  • This book discusses some of the most common grief experiences and breaks down psychological concepts to help you understand your thoughts and emotions.
  • Instead, making amends means you apologize for what you’ve done and make it right.

It’s the point where we acknowledge that our behaviors damage others beyond ourselves. But to rectify this damage, we can’t maintain the same “me first” attitude that many of the other steps require. That is just one small example of what are https://ecosoberhouse.com/. Part of my living amends is also being the friend my friends deserve and the employee my employers hired in good faith. Living amends touches deep parts of our lives and souls if we allow them. My living amends to my mother is to be fully present in my life so I can be fully present in hers.

How Will Making Amends Help My Recovery?

We can’t know for certain how another person will respond—or even how the interaction might affect us emotionally. So be sure to talk with your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event that you need support. It’s not one we use too frequently in our everyday language, but it still holds significant meaning. To make amends means to apologize for something you have done or for wronging someone in some way.

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  • We may want our children and families to love, accept and forgive us, but we shouldn’t confuse our wants with our needs.
  • To discern whether to make amends, ask yourself why you’re wanting to contact the person.
  • I’m not his teacher, and I’m sure she’s skilled at handling that type of problem.
  • In some cases, making amends may mean paying or promising to pay “whatever obligations, financial or otherwise, we owe,” the Big Book also states.
  • If you have any questions, we invite you to complete our contact form.

When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles. On the surface, making amends might sound as simple as offering a sincere apology for your treatment of others, but there’s more to this cornerstone Twelve Step practice. Another example would be of a person who’s been a taker all their lives suddenly decides they no longer want to be self-centered and selfish. They may choose to make living amends by promising to change their ways and become more helpful to others.

living amends

Self Forgiveness & Performative Apologies – The BPD Bunch

Your AA sponsor, therapist, or another trusted person can help you determine how best to address making amends. Making any type of amends can be challenging, but in this article, we’ll focus on living amends and tips for how to make them. If you or a loved one is struggling to stay sober or needs help maintaining sobriety while working the 12 Steps, Eudaimonia Recovery Homes can help. Call us or fill out our online contact form today to get started. When first writing your list, don’t worry about including everyone you have wronged.

  • We want to convey our heartfelt remorse but worry that our words will fall short.
  • While making amends is apologizing, living amends means living a completely new, sober lifestyle, and being committed to that lifestyle for both yourself and those you’ve harmed in the past.
  • My living amends is being the son she deserves–someone who will do for her as she has always done for me.
  • Instead, try to reference specific times when you hurt the other person and/or let them down.

Reliance on any information provided by this website is solely at your own risk. Before you start working step nine, you must have already completed step eight. Step eight says “Made a list of all the people we have harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.” You cannot work the 9th step effectively without doing step eight first. “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others”; the 9th step of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). By now you have made it through the first 8 steps, congratulations, you have almost made it!

  • This website does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Site.
  • When first writing your list, don’t worry about including everyone you have wronged.
  • In his book he shares the situation of a woman who has a fight with her brother.

Making Indirect Amends

Seeking Salvation News – North Coast Journal

Seeking Salvation News.

Posted: Thu, 18 Apr 2024 07:00:00 GMT [source]

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